The Wild Bunch! –Robert M. Shelby, 8-15-11. [583 txt wds]

A minor, untypical state like Iowa is scarcely a political bell-wether to the national temper. Whatever happens at the annual Ames Straw Poll is similar to what happens in a large cowbarn twice a day. No, not what the cows do but what’s done to them at milking  time. At $30 dollars a throw, the voters’ heads are deep in straw if they think their choices will seriously impact the national scene and determine our next presidential election. It’s nothing but the money, moo-moo. The only straw in a factory milk-barn nowdays is in the feed troughs where cows keep munching contentedly while getting their udders relieved by electro-mechanical suction. I wonder, did the planners set up the electric fly-killers near those stands selling Candied Cholesterol & Calories on a stick-it-to-ya?

Just look at the would-be candidates that popped up out of the straw. Jiminy-crickets! Ron Paul and Mitt Romney are the only ones who could pass a high school civics test after Tim Pawlenty wiped his hands and threw in the towel. The rest of the girls, including Rick Santorum (of Google fame), are sweet looking kids except when they get that wild look in their eyes like Ann Coulter gets when she’s attacking with cougar ferocity any thing she hates. You would think, from the levels of understanding and competence exposed in this pre-campaign, that we were witnessing a run for junior-class cheer leader. It’s too bad that Paul and Romney have to talk as stupidly as the rest or be ignored. Pawlenty has good sense and couldn’t bring himself to do it any more, so it’s goodbye to the Battle of Cowpens from him. What, no Washington’s farewell to the troops before Armageddon? Democrats won’t need big money, just honest reporting.

Americans, git the straw outta yer ears an’ lissen up! Republicans can bless their starry eyed, divided stripes that they have more than a year to sift and winnow the straw from all the hustings to find one grain of wheat in the form of a viable candidate to run against President Barack Hussein Obama! Even with such a find, and you can be sure Rick Perry is not even close to being that man, the GOP elephant has taken on so much bad baggage in public view it will be running on its knees. The long nose will not help it smell better after Wisconsin and the rest of the horrid nonsense roused by the Tea Party “movement,” after which the barn needs a good cleansing. Forget Ames.

When in history have we heard such dismally ostensible and pretentious reasoning aimed to please and enlist sheer idiocy high and low? America is not going to keep falling into the traps repeatedly set for it by neatly dressed corporate goons whose only difference from crooked Fascists is that they don’t wear jackboots and stomp around heiling Herr Witless The Heartless. I’m sorry for what’s coming to Republicans, I know how it feels. Nobody deserves getting beaten flat by rocks under a land slide, but it’s coming. Let sleepers wake hearing the rumble and run outside. Get away from your house of twigs because the big, good wolf will be huffing and puffing at your door with no woodsman nearby. It’s time to quit playing Goldilocks and Little Red Ridinghood in your dreams. The giant grizzlies are gonna eat you and your mommas, on November election day. With blackberries and relish!

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